CHANGE.
Hey hey,
Been a few days since I started this now, I decided to leave it a couple of days to let people get to grips with my new content online - Let it sink in a bit... Anyway, it's been crazy busy with change for me!
I've been one very emotional girl the last few weeks.
A delayed reaction to my Dad's death - with having been "the strong one" to get all the practical stuff out the way etc.
Sorting out my living situation.
Wanting to find some structure to my life.
Trying to remain calm to not flare a Fibromyalgia/M.E flare up.
Anxiety attacks keeping me awake and prohibiting me from eating.
It's been hectic!
I guess a big thing that I hadn't realised I was actually so scared of before is change. But I've never had to tackle major life issues without Dad. Now, I have to. I've never had to deal with EVERYTHING changing at once. Now, I am.
The biggest change other than adapting to life without Dad, is putting aside my differences with the woman who gave birth to me... aka Mum. People that know me, know some of the stories and the history. My Dad had always said he hoped that one day, I wouldn't be angry anymore and that we could get along.
Well, I currently find myself at my Mum's house - in the room me and my sister shared up until I was 15.
I was lost, I was depressed, I was having insanely dark detailed thoughts and something within me said 'reach out to her' so I did. Not going to lie, I majorly shocked myself with that one! But she's here and supporting me in my darkest times. I just keep thinking how Dad would be laughing and saying "see, this is what I wanted."
We can't change the past, but we can learn from it, the events that happened have made us who we are today! We don't even have to forget the past, but we can move on from it.
The other massive change, leaving our family home in London. I can't actually be in that house alone anymore. The mood, atmosphere and bad thoughts, they haunt me! The last 10 years its been so negative and depressing, full of illness, sad news and just bad things, which is awful cause it's been in our family since the 60's and was once such a happy place! My Nan's house is how it will always be referred to, but it was honestly such a happy and positive place. People always stopping by, random chats with passers by at the gate, Nan's friends round for tea, birthdays, Christmas gatherings, reunions, sleepovers - it was the best place to grow up!
But things change, we saw Nan in her element at that house, so proud of it and then... gone. She didn't come back. We then saw Dad take over, and then not return. It's going to be so weird to finally say goodbye, but it's much needed now!
Things change and times move on, it's just incredibly daunting when it all appears to happen at once. Sometimes, it can just all weigh you down which is when you need to admit you need help and take the issues one step at a time.
Oh, and it helps to actually listen to those around you trying to help you, not just say "yes yes yes" but not really believe them. They're there to help you! Anyway we can discuss that topic another time...
Take it easy
Jo x
Been a few days since I started this now, I decided to leave it a couple of days to let people get to grips with my new content online - Let it sink in a bit... Anyway, it's been crazy busy with change for me!
I've been one very emotional girl the last few weeks.
A delayed reaction to my Dad's death - with having been "the strong one" to get all the practical stuff out the way etc.
Sorting out my living situation.
Wanting to find some structure to my life.
Trying to remain calm to not flare a Fibromyalgia/M.E flare up.
Anxiety attacks keeping me awake and prohibiting me from eating.
It's been hectic!
I guess a big thing that I hadn't realised I was actually so scared of before is change. But I've never had to tackle major life issues without Dad. Now, I have to. I've never had to deal with EVERYTHING changing at once. Now, I am.
The biggest change other than adapting to life without Dad, is putting aside my differences with the woman who gave birth to me... aka Mum. People that know me, know some of the stories and the history. My Dad had always said he hoped that one day, I wouldn't be angry anymore and that we could get along.
Well, I currently find myself at my Mum's house - in the room me and my sister shared up until I was 15.
I was lost, I was depressed, I was having insanely dark detailed thoughts and something within me said 'reach out to her' so I did. Not going to lie, I majorly shocked myself with that one! But she's here and supporting me in my darkest times. I just keep thinking how Dad would be laughing and saying "see, this is what I wanted."
We can't change the past, but we can learn from it, the events that happened have made us who we are today! We don't even have to forget the past, but we can move on from it.
The other massive change, leaving our family home in London. I can't actually be in that house alone anymore. The mood, atmosphere and bad thoughts, they haunt me! The last 10 years its been so negative and depressing, full of illness, sad news and just bad things, which is awful cause it's been in our family since the 60's and was once such a happy place! My Nan's house is how it will always be referred to, but it was honestly such a happy and positive place. People always stopping by, random chats with passers by at the gate, Nan's friends round for tea, birthdays, Christmas gatherings, reunions, sleepovers - it was the best place to grow up!
But things change, we saw Nan in her element at that house, so proud of it and then... gone. She didn't come back. We then saw Dad take over, and then not return. It's going to be so weird to finally say goodbye, but it's much needed now!
Things change and times move on, it's just incredibly daunting when it all appears to happen at once. Sometimes, it can just all weigh you down which is when you need to admit you need help and take the issues one step at a time.
Oh, and it helps to actually listen to those around you trying to help you, not just say "yes yes yes" but not really believe them. They're there to help you! Anyway we can discuss that topic another time...
Take it easy
Jo x
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